Coffee: Fuck Yeah!

When I wake up in the morning, I feel like hell. Whether or not I was drinking the night before, I hate having that sun hit me in the face around 8am every day. I literally spring out of bed, and shoot a look of "Fuck You" to the sun, and quickly retreat to my kitchen. In my kitchen I have a teapot filled with 4 cups of water, ready to boil, and I have the most beloved object in my kitchen sitting next to it: My Chemex brewer.



Once that water boils, I carefully pour the contents carefully over the grounds, and let it work its magic. Once it is ready for consumption, I pound down coffee like there is no tomorrow. Now fully alert, I am ready to take on anybody...

Coffee, to me, is one of the greatest things to ever happen. It wakes me up, lets me tolerate people's dumb shit, and warms me up on cold mornings. If there isnt enough time for me to drink my cup of coffee, I get pissed, and it instantly makes my day horrible. Luckily for me (and for some of you guys I've pissed off for no reason, I apologize), I am able to drink a good amount of coffee before heading out for the day.


On the down side, there is a following to coffee that pisses me the hell off. I don't want to single out one place, but I will... Starbucks, to me, is the McDonald's of coffee. I know that's an obvious statement, but dammit people, where is the love when coffee is made at Starbucks? They ask for the money before they ask how I am doing. Its not only that, people these days ask for fucking strange cups of "coffee". While waiting in line for my red-eye one day, this rather effeminate man behind me asked for a soy something-or-other latte with peppermint... What the hell kind of coffee is that? The worse thing is, not one person looked at him weird, or acted like that was an unusual drink order. I'm honestly not trying to offend, but if you are a male, and you order some bullshit coffee drink with more milk and sweeteners than coffee... maybe coffee isn't for you.


To me, coffee is best served just how it is. No sugar, no cream, no bullshit. There was a time where I would add all that crap, and never knew how much flavor I was taking away by doing so. For those of you who add one or two sugars, or a little cream, that's fine, as long as your cup of coffee isn't 30 ounces consisting of 80% mixing agents. Its pretty clear that the older people get, or the more exposure to coffee someone gets, the more they will eventually like it. I went through those steps, and now I cant imagine a good day without starting off with a cup of coffee...


Maybe I am getting older, but nowadays I enjoy a hot cup of coffee and read the news. Its not like I do it for the status of looking/acting mature, its just a great way of starting the engines for the day. But also, I love a cup of coffee with a slice of pie... Hell yeah, that sounds so good right now. I think I will end my night with that. Goodnight people, and remember: Don't fuck with me until I've had my coffee.