Risk: The game that causes blindness due to how awesome it is.

Board games are pretty much phased out these days, and I am one to agree that most of them suck. There are the few staple board games I really like: Monopoly, Stratego, etc. But there is a board game that, in my opinion, owns the competition: Risk. Risk is a game of global Domination, and involves good amounts of strategy, minor "treaties", and of course backstabbing/deviant behavior.



Many times when I go back to Fairfax, there is at least one occasion when my friends and I plan ahead and play one game of Risk. The typical scenario plays out: Someone brings a case of Yuengling and we all gather at one place and play the game with either music or The Simpsons playing in the background. We all set up, and play for hours and have a great time, but usually some one over reacts (which is typically the first one out of the game), and everyone gets drunk and things get out of hand.


Much like that episode of Seinfeld, it always comes down to two people with the rest of the group watching TV or doing something else. The final two people become real paranoid, and require a neutral party to watch the board during breaks, or if one person needs something, both parties go to ensure no cheating. Its rather humorous and nerdish, but it makes the game worth something, I guess. After the final push, and a person is claimed the victor, some minor talks about the game are made, then focus is shifted towards something else.

Risk is a game that all of my friends love, and even one of my old lacrosse coaches, apparently. He may not remember this (and if you are reading this, and you do remember, tell me.) but on a trip to New Jersey I was going to bring a Risk board but forgot. I then asked my lacrosse coach what he would have done if I did, in fact, bring it, to which he replied "I wouldve kicked your ass in the game, is what I wouldve done." That line, to me, is one of the funnier lines I have heard about a board game in my life.

Yes, board games are not as huge of a success anymore due to video games, but at least there will always be Risk. I urge all of you readers to play a game, and in fact, I will be in Fairfax starting Friday... So I challenge you guys to a game during my Spring Break (March 12-21)

Classmates.

After I graduated high school in 2006, I have actually been a good student at NOVA and VCU... Meaning, I dont really make a lot of noise, or bother other people. I actually want to learn, because I put money into my future, dammit. I wasnt the best kid in high school when it came to classrooms, maybe because I didnt care about school, or just because I thought being an asshole was funny... Regardless, I wasnt too fun to be around unless we were friends, or you enjoyed classroom distractions, and if i annoyed you and by the grace of God you are reading this... My bad.

Well with that said, I thoroughly enjoy school these days, and I like learning. So when someone is annoying or distracting, it really gets to me. It isnt to a level where I am really pissed, but clearly enough for me to want to blog about it.

I have to start somewhere, so I will pick the one that is the funniest, to me. Annoying classmate #1 is this girl in my Criminal Law class. She seems smart, and eager to learn, but her major flaw is her laugh. Almost piercing my very soul, her laugh literally covers the entire auditorium with incredible ease. The other half of this flaw, is that she thinks everything is funny... everything. The first time I noticed, was when my professor made a joke that either wasnt totally funny or not a lot of people got it. First a scatter of laughter came around, then all of a sudden a shriek of broken cackles coming at me from every direction. I thought I was in 'nam when i heard it... nearly searching for cover. She is the least annoying, annoying person, in my classes... probably only because we only meet 2 hours a week, and my professor only makes a few jokes a class... so I am safe.

Annoying classmate #2 is actually three people who sit near me in Criminal Law (which actually scares the shit out of me.. All these annoying people, and they seemingly want to be lawyers? Maybe theres more of a connection). I consider them to be one person, because I picture them to be like Cerberus. You know, the three headed hellhound that guards the gates of Hell? Yeah, well the reasoning behind that is pretty simple: For one, they are connected at the hip. Meaning that I have never really seen them a part from each other, and they all have the same ideas... They would be tolerable, but they are all loud talkers, and whisperers...

Annoying classmate #3 scares the ever living shit out of me. This man is gracing me in my Policing class, and he thinks his shit never stinks... ever. A man who boasts his former career in Corrections as a Minimum Security Corrections Officer, he always seems to revert back to the 2nd amendment with everything. Here is an easy example: He and my professor were discussing the Tech Shooting (he brought it up, of course), and he was talking about how his protection against a certain instance like that would be his "Glock 17." Thats the biggest issue I have about some people: Thinking that saying what gun they own as their protection, only shows to me that you will do something stupid over something trivial. I picture those people to be the type to shoot a man 18 times in self defense with a revolver...

Well, thats all I can think of, for now... more later? God I hope not, because that would mean there are more annoying people in my class pissing me off.

Coffee: Fuck Yeah!

When I wake up in the morning, I feel like hell. Whether or not I was drinking the night before, I hate having that sun hit me in the face around 8am every day. I literally spring out of bed, and shoot a look of "Fuck You" to the sun, and quickly retreat to my kitchen. In my kitchen I have a teapot filled with 4 cups of water, ready to boil, and I have the most beloved object in my kitchen sitting next to it: My Chemex brewer.



Once that water boils, I carefully pour the contents carefully over the grounds, and let it work its magic. Once it is ready for consumption, I pound down coffee like there is no tomorrow. Now fully alert, I am ready to take on anybody...

Coffee, to me, is one of the greatest things to ever happen. It wakes me up, lets me tolerate people's dumb shit, and warms me up on cold mornings. If there isnt enough time for me to drink my cup of coffee, I get pissed, and it instantly makes my day horrible. Luckily for me (and for some of you guys I've pissed off for no reason, I apologize), I am able to drink a good amount of coffee before heading out for the day.


On the down side, there is a following to coffee that pisses me the hell off. I don't want to single out one place, but I will... Starbucks, to me, is the McDonald's of coffee. I know that's an obvious statement, but dammit people, where is the love when coffee is made at Starbucks? They ask for the money before they ask how I am doing. Its not only that, people these days ask for fucking strange cups of "coffee". While waiting in line for my red-eye one day, this rather effeminate man behind me asked for a soy something-or-other latte with peppermint... What the hell kind of coffee is that? The worse thing is, not one person looked at him weird, or acted like that was an unusual drink order. I'm honestly not trying to offend, but if you are a male, and you order some bullshit coffee drink with more milk and sweeteners than coffee... maybe coffee isn't for you.


To me, coffee is best served just how it is. No sugar, no cream, no bullshit. There was a time where I would add all that crap, and never knew how much flavor I was taking away by doing so. For those of you who add one or two sugars, or a little cream, that's fine, as long as your cup of coffee isn't 30 ounces consisting of 80% mixing agents. Its pretty clear that the older people get, or the more exposure to coffee someone gets, the more they will eventually like it. I went through those steps, and now I cant imagine a good day without starting off with a cup of coffee...


Maybe I am getting older, but nowadays I enjoy a hot cup of coffee and read the news. Its not like I do it for the status of looking/acting mature, its just a great way of starting the engines for the day. But also, I love a cup of coffee with a slice of pie... Hell yeah, that sounds so good right now. I think I will end my night with that. Goodnight people, and remember: Don't fuck with me until I've had my coffee.

Qualities

Every human being owns their own traits: funny, smart, and the such. But i think i have a nice combination of at least two qualities, sense of humor and being an asshole. Both qualities, to me, hold quite a similarity. you need to be an asshole to be funny. you cant make jokes without offending someone, therefore you will be an asshole to someone.

there has always been a phrase "at what cost", and the cost of comedy is the negative views by someone who says, "damn, that guy is an asshole."

well i could be wrong, maybe im just an asshole and not funny at all. either way, im having a great time with it, and isnt that all that matters?

Cosmetics and ugly models

I could have high standards, i dont know, but when i watch cosmetic commercials, i would like to think that the models should be hot. Recently, ive seen commercials that have been plagued with ugly ugly women. I mean come on, Sarah Jessica Parker?! she is a horse, honest to god. and shes main lining a product that is used on the face? dude, swing and a miss. Use Beyonce or something, she is a gorgeous woman. Truly breathtaking, and yet you choose SJP? i only hope you didnt get beyonce is because of price. because damn, i would buy the product if beyonce was sellin it.

ok im getting off topic but damn...beyonce. even that name is sexy, beyonce. alright alright, cosmetic companies, lemme just tell you this one more time: use hot women for cosmetic products. Yes, that can sound a bit mean, but if you wanna show true quality of product, wouldnt using a hot woman be the best canvas?


get back to me on that

wtf?

so i saw a viagra commercial recently and it said "if erection lasts for more than 4 hours, call a doctor". wtf? why would i call my doctor with that? i dont know about you, but id call my girlfriend, my friend's girlfriends, id just call someone who isn't a man or a doctor. also, i dont really understand viagra or levitra. from my perspective, its pointless, as a 21 year old , i need some type of pill to keep it down, so in the end, viagra...wtf?

house of payne/racist commercials

ok so, for the past hour, house of payne has been on tbs. i dont personally think the show is funny, maybe its not my type of humor, but i watch it anyways because it is mild entertainment for me to wind down and relax.

what i recently noticed is all these racist commercials. popeyes is springing commericals around this time frame, using lingo and phrases that obviously frame a stereotype. its not too frustrating or sick, but its not subtle. at least make a commercial that seem to appeal to the masses, but actually target a certain aspect.

you guys are getting too lazy, commercial creators